My heart is full. I hope I can make it through this post. It is a good thing that you can' see water marks on blog posts like you can when hand writing a letter to someone. If you could, you would see "tears" all over this!
First of all, I want to THANK all of you who attended the Expo last weekend. Our numbers were not as high as we would have liked. Plain flat truth is that the economy is horrible right now and we are all struggling. If you are not one of those, then consider yourself LUCKY! Though attendance was lower then expected, we still had a wonderful event. It as fun to see each of you. To visit. To see what you are working on. You are amazing women and I am so blessed to call each of you a friend. THANK YOU for supporting ETM!
There is no way I can put into words the amount of work this event is. I start planning the October before and it is a 24/7 job. So many little details that can't be overlooked. By the end of the weekend I am exhausted.
We loaded the truck/trailor Thursday, arrived early Friday morning to set up. Worked all day Friday and did not arrive home that night until about midnight. I had just showered and crawled into bed knowing I needed to be up again by about 5:30 am to be at the hotel by 7:00 am.
The phone rang at 12:45 am. Of course when your phone rings at that time you know it is not good news. Darren answered the phone. He sat up in bed and took my hand. As I only could hear his end of the conversation he squeezed my hand and my heart sank.
My dear friend of 13 years called to tell us that they had just found their 14 year old son in his bedroom. He had taken his life. Darren tried to express our love and sorrow and hung up the phone. He told me the news and I literally jumped out of bed screaming. I called her right back. She was hysterical. I ended up talking to her until about 2 am. The morgue had not yet arrived. She was terrified.
Needless to say, I did not sleep. I tossed and turned. I was sick to my stomach. The morning came very quickly and I had to be at the hotel for a full day of Expo and Conference. To all of those gals who saw my a bit emotional that day, I am sorry. My mind was at Expo, but my heart was with my dear friend.
The Expo ended, we cleaned up, loaded up. Went home. Sunday came. I spent most of the morning sleeping then went with four other close friends to visit the home and family. We ended up staying with her for several hours. We laughed. We cried. What a amazing, spiritual experience!
It is not important, nor would it be appropriate for me to share the details of his death. Those thoughts and feelings she shared with me that night. This is a family that we became friends with when our boys were about 2. They lived in the same apt complex as ours and the boys spent days on end playing. Pretending. Coming up with schemes and games. He was in our home. He was at every birthday party. On every sports team. He was Tanner. Our little "white" haired kid.
I am going to miss Tanner. I am going to miss his smile and his spunk. My hear with forever ache. I will always worry about his Mama. I will hold my kids a bit closer and be sure they KNOW how much we love them each and every day. Do they know? Did I tell them today? Do they get annoyed that I want to hug and kiss them? YES! But... I don't care!
This is a page I made several years ago. Our boys were buds. We had met them for a Braves game one night. The kids were so excited to get a free t-shirt and hat.Tanner is the one of the left with his arm around Michael. Good times. Good memories. (Click on picture to enlarge)
The post title? My favorite quote. Life is not measured in MINUTES but in MOMENTS. We never know from one minute to the next what life will bring. We remember the moments. We remember our love for each other. We hold each other closer to our hearts.
Crying yet? I am! Life has hit me hard these past few days. Attending Tanner's services is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. How much can one person cry? We live in a world filled with hate, anger, so many trials, so many fears. But yet we also live in a world filled with love. So many people honestly trying to do good. How grateful I am for the good!
I love my family so much. We all feel that way. Our children are our lives. Well, they are supposed to be. I sure know of a few that in my opinion do not meet their roll as a mother, but that is not here or there. I am grateful to be a Mother. Grateful for the chance to have them with me for no matter how long the Lord decides that will be. I have learned that we DO have to put our complete trust in the Lord. That who we are and what we do DOES matter. Life is short. The Lord is gentle. He is loving. He is kind. He knows each of us and will comfort us.
He has been at the Swensen's family side. They have felt him. They have felt Tanner's presence. What beautiful, sacred moments.
Please just pray. Pray for them. Pray for Tanner. Love to each of you! Thank you for being so kind to me and my emotional breakdown!